Martial King’s Retired Life – Vol. 1 Ch. 31


So What If I Touched Her?

Shen Yiren was panting, so I could see her chest rise and fall: “I told you clearly that if you touched me again, I’d crush your little brother. But no, you went further and further!”

Huh? That’s what that hand gesture meant?!

“It’s a misunderstanding. It’s a misunderstanding!”

“What misunderstanding? You. Come over here.” Shen Yiren indicated for me to come over with one finger while her other hand clinched the ink stone tightly.

“No.” You think I’m stupid?! If I go over there, you’ll flatten me.

Shen Yiren grit her teeth, stamped her feet and said: “Fine, I’m coming over then!”

The two inside the Vermillion Hall wouldn’t let such a tragic incident happen, and definitely not Captain Song who angrily shouted: “Who’s that causing a ruckus outside the Vermillion Hall?!”

Captain Song and the Orange Prince wore awkward expressions as soon as they stepped out and saw the vice-captain, and the three new recruits outside acting suspiciously.

“Yiren… Vice-captain Shen, what happened?”

I spoke first: “Captain, the vice-captain wants to silence me!”

Shen Yiren roared: “YOU SHUT UP!”

I don’t know if Su Xiao learnt to speak before the other could from all the times I tricked him, but he cut in and said: “Sir, I saw it! Ming Feizhen touched the vice-captain in an indecent manner, so the vice-captain was punishing him.”

What he said didn’t help at all. Instead, the atmosphere went dead silent. The normally fiery and proud Miss Shen went red in the face like a ripe tomato. Of course she’d be embarrassed if it was exposed that she got felt up by her underling in front of the captain and the Orange Prince.

I didn’t dare to speak.

I just let the awkward atmosphere run its course.

Surprisingly, the Orange Prince was the person who broke the silence. His gaze found its way to the book in my hand like he had hawk eyes: “Wow! Song Ou, you pretended to not know, but I’ve caught you red-handed now! That’s my book.”

The Orange Prince pointed at Captain Song’s nose and scolded him again. I saw the look on Captain Song’s face. He was seriously considering whether he should just gift the Orange Prince this criminal who touched his superior indecently and be done with it.

The Orange Prince smiled smugly and said: “Well? This is the thief that stole my book. Men, arrest him!” Four people from the side of the prince’s side stepped forward, and rolled up their sleeves to arrest me.

I looked at Shen Yiren, but she glared at me with a white face and then angrily turned her head away.

Hey, hey, hey!!! What happened to loyalty?!! Is this the right time to be throwing a fit? I didn’t steal the book. It was Zha Pi’s dad that stole it from that retarded Orange Prince.

An unknown fire lit up inside my heart as the four men prepared to capture me.

I glared at Shen Yiren aggressively and asked: “I already told you it was a misunderstanding. Shen Yiren, are you going to help me or not?”

She seemed to be slightly startled and moved since she’d never seen this expression of mine before. I saw her open her mouth a little to speak, but before she could speak, someone else spoke out.

“In the September of the twenty-eighth year of Yuan Sheng’s rule, forty-thousand ingots were received from He Xili, fifty thousand silvers were received from the Zhang family in Shandong, as well as a large residence, and five acres of farmland in the capital suburbs.”

The further he read on, the more pale the Orange Prince’s face turned.

“Enough, enough! He’s spouting nonsense!”

I don’t remember it, but I could tell those were the contents of the records book.

The person who recited it was Su Xiao who was standing to the side. He only looked over it once and yet he remembered the contents.

Su Xiao smiled in a teasing manner and ask: “That’s roughly what’s recorded in the book. Your highness, are you sure this is your book?”

Whoa! Young Su Xiao is a pro at dealing with people!

The Orange Prince shot Su Xiao unfriendly looks.

I smugly tapped the hands of the four men and said: “Don’t touch me, don’t touch me. Go wash your hands.” I then happily skipped over to Su Xiao and said to him: “Bro, gimme a kiss!”

“Piss off! You’re treating me like a girl again!” Su Xiao push me away out of annoyance and at the same time mumbled: “You saved me in the end… You’re not as much of an ass as your appearance implies, so I won’t ignore you when you’re in danger.”

Haa~ people’s genuine feelings come through when you’re in precarious situations.

“Don’t say anything. But the Eight Deities House really do make great braised pork shoulders with soy sauce.”

“I don’t think we’re close enough for me to treat you to a meal…”

Tch… How stingy.

The Orange Prince was at his wits end. Just as he was about to just arrest us both, a strong and angry voice from his side cut him off.

Captain Song thundered: “What the hell is going on?” He saw us sneaking around outside the Vermillion Hall, and heard that the records were with us, so he wasn’t going to give up until he got to the bottom of it.

Just as I was about to get him to send the Orange Prince on his way so I could explain to him in private, he belted: “Ming Feizhen, did you really do indecent things to your superior?”

Fuck, for real?! Is that all you care about?! You’re hounding me instead of pursuing a case of a corrupt prince?

I was going to explain myself, but Captain Song didn’t give me the chance.

“I hope you know that such indecent acts towards your superior will result in amputating a hand and leg!” I don’t know what triggered this scholar, but he was getting more and more furious as he went on.

So much so that even Shen Yiren wanted to clear it up. I think she came to understand that what happened really was just a misunderstanding.

“He didn’t do anything, back there…”

“Shut up! Don’t interfere when I’m lecturing a subordinate! Vice-captain, remember who I am. Is there any place for you to speak out on behalf of others in front of me?”

What’s his problem? The guy won’t even let people speak. What’s stranger is Shen Yiren who’s more stubborn than a Donkey and flies off the handle at everything is so timid today. He’s giving her shit and she’s not flipping out on him.

I was getting even more pissed. I was still pissed about Shen Yiren tricking me before, and now I have to deal with this unreasonable captain.

Fuck this, you forced my hand!

“Fine, fine, fine. It’s my mistake. I shouldn’t have touched Miss Shen’s ass. I’ll take responsibility for it. Happy now?” I extended my arm out in an arch, and pulled Shen Yiren into my embrace. Damn, she feels good in my arms. “I’ll devote myself to her from now on. I’m going to get together with her. We’re good now, right?”

I never imagined Shen Yiren wouldn’t fly off the handle as I thought she would. Instead she wore an affectionate expression, looked at Captain Song, then turned back to look at me and asked: “Are you serious?”

I smiled haughtily and said: “Yeah! What’s the matter?”

“Are… You crazy?” Shen Yiren opened her small mouth, but then paused. She then suddenly laughed and said: “I’ll be waiting for you to court me then, hot-head.”

I don’t get it. Why isn’t Shen Yiren angry?

Captain Song on the other hand was red in the face. However, the look on his face slowly changed like characters in Sichuan opera. His face went from red to white, and then from white to pale green.

Su Xiao’s look of despise returned in an instant. Even the Orange Prince and his men took three steps back and scanned me as if to say: “Are you insane?”

Hmm? Isn’t the atmosphere here excellent?

After a long silence, Tang Ye, the man with the horseshoe triceps broke the awkward atmosphere. He lightly and quietly walked over, but had no intention of solving the awkward situation and in a loud voice said: “Didn’t you know that Vice-captain Shen is Captain Song’s fiancé?”


Inspiration suddenly hit me and I had an idea as to what I wanted to write in the reader’s column of the Black and White Reflection’s next issue:

Dear editor, which of these is more serious:

Touching your direct superior’s ass, or touching the big boss’s wife’s ass?

What should I do if I did both?

And uhh… What about if I touched her ass right in front of him?

Oh right, I also said I’d steal his wife from him.


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