There’s a Scumbag in my Family
I went to grab Zha Pi from Sir Sui’s courtyard before heading to the main courtyard of the Qilin Guards.
With my introduction, the punk became Sir Sui’s subordinate. Sir Sui usually likes to plant bamboo, plum blossoms and peach flowers and the sort in his garden. Zha Pi grew up in the Peach Flower Village so he was skilled with that sort of stuff.
His father, Cha Yuan, died due to the internal conflicts of Lan Jun Zhu kong, so I share some responsibility. As such, I also need to take responsibility for taking care of him once in a while.
“Big Brother Ming! Why did you get him to come along? He’s always looking in my direction. I really want to dig his filthy eyes out!” Su Xiao stamped his feet, stared at Zha Pi who was wearing a smile like he was filth on the bottom of his shoe, and complained to me: “Why are we bringing him along to investigate the case?”
Zha Pi still treats Su Xiao like a girl, and he’s going so far that I’m worried that he just might go ahead and you know….
But the guy isn’t completely useless.
“Don’t just see him as a failure at martial arts and literature. Sometimes, you need people like him.”
Su Xiao doesn’t understand my painstaking thoughts. He turned around to shoot a violent glare at Zha Pi who was still flirting with him using his eyes. Then he went “hmph” and stopped speaking.
Sigh, these two comrades of mine are both well qualified. But there’s just one flaw with them. Tang Ye and Su Xiao are good natured. Tang Ye is cold on the exterior but opens up once you get close enough to him. He looks like the type that ignores others, when in reality he’s a nice guy who’d help an elderly person cross the street. Su Xiao is as you already know, a naive and stupid sweetheart….
The two of them follow regulations and laws when investigating cases, which is why they don’t see any results.
The subordination system in the capital is complex and there limited resources. All the warriors of the imperial court have superiors. With seven warriors of the imperial court dead, whoever manages to solve such a big case will be given massive credit. So it’s basically a given that they’ll be coming from all over the place to seize the opportunity, I guarantee that we’ll see hordes of warriors, enough to break the door down, trying to investigate the case when we get to the main courtyard of the Qilin Guards.
If we were to follow the rules, we won’t make it in there even by next month.
And now for Zha Pi.
Zha Pi certainly is useless. He’s stupid, thick-skinned, exploits the power of others, is retarded, moronic and is stupid enough to use a sheet of paper as a shield. He’s also several times more shameless than my two comrades here. In the pugilistic world, besides my shifu, the Shaolin abbot, the leader of Wudang, Yan Shisan, Ximen Chuideng and a handful of old demon sect members, he’s definitely a young, handsome and talented young man.
…I truly worry for the future of the pugilistic world…
The main courtyard of the Qilin Guards is right next door so we were scheduled to soon arrive. However, Su Xiao kept shooting me weird looks the entire way, and in the end I couldn’t hold it in.
“What on Earth is the problem? Why are you acting strange?”
“You’re the strange one.” Su Xiao pouted his lips and continued: “Why did you talk to the vice-captain like that back there, acting like you didn’t care about the case? Weren’t you the one that warned us to be careful the first night there was a death, and even went to investigate it several times?”
“Well…” I rubbed my nose and continued: “I do care a bit, but there’s no need to explain everything to our boss.” She’s not like you two. Boss Shen is smart! She’ll get suspicious if my thoughts and usual performance don’t match.
To be honest, I’m really interested in this case.
The fact that the Assassin’s Association is brave enough to pick a fight with warriors of the imperial court itself is suspicious.
While it’s true that the Assassins’ Association does paid work, they also need to ensure there are no consequences before accepting the job. Therefore, they would guarantee that nobody would pursue them after killing seven warriors of the imperial court before accepting the job. Because otherwise, many people could get pulled into it causing the Assassins’ Association itself to suffer consequences. The association sent the assassins out, so does that mean that they can sit back and relax after the job?
I shifted my gaze towards the imperial city.
Our current emperor is wise. How could he possibly allow somebody to publicly challenge the imperial court’s rule in his territory? Not only would he look bad, but he’d also lose the trust of the people. If the people lose confidence in the warriors of the imperial court, then the imperial court itself will be in jeopardy.
“Ah, what the heck?! Why are there so many people?!”
We arrived, and it was just as I suspected.
There were so many people were gathered outside the main courtyard of the Qilin Guards a mosquito would be hard pressed to get in. There were tens of men who were trying to maintain order and behaved appropriately there. But even then, there was no real order. Who would’ve thought the Qilin Guards who are known for their serious, strict demeanour and power would have a circus-day like this. The Qilin Guards themselves probably never imagined it.
“Why are there so many people? Why don’t the Qilin Guards shoo them off?”
“And how would they do that? They’re warriors of the imperial court.”
“Warriors of the imperial court?” Su Xiao blinked a few times: “But none of them are from Liu Shan Men. They’re all from the emperor’s security detail aren’t they?”
“No, they’re wandering warriors.”
Let me explain. Imperial court warriors aren’t a term exclusive to Liu Shan Men, the Qilin Guards or the emperor’s security detail. Whether they work officially or privately, if they serve the imperial court, they can be considered a warrior of the imperial court. They’re the largest faction in the imperial court’s warriors category. They make up about seventy percent of the warriors. They number more than the men of all the three powerhouses combined.
While they number many, they’re not united. Most of them choose to stay in their homelands. Those who go to big cities are few, and those who come to the capital are even fewer. Since the three official powerhouses have branches in big cities, it’s tough for them to make a name for themselves.
Further, Liu Shan’s Elites Rankings are conducted at the capital, so there’s barely anybody from the wandering warriors whom are ranked. This now related back to the power struggle between the official warriors and the wanderers. Moreover, the system deployed by the imperial court for its warriors doesn’t favour under-developed units. As one who is against that malpractice, I have the following opinions….
Okay, I’m done messing around.
In any case, the wandering warriors are the largest category of warriors, however, there are few from there that make it to the high ranks. I’ve heard that it’s partly got to do with pressure from the Qilin Guards, but I’ve never looked into it so I don’t know the truth.
But damn there are a lot of them. The corpse would rot by the time they finished checking everybody who wants to enter.
Alright, it’s time for Zha Pi to make himself useful.
“Zha Pi, follow the original plan.”
Zha Pi cleared his throat, looked left and right to see if there were any suitable tools, and then his eyes suddenly lit up. He walked up to the side of a hawker selling chestnuts, stole his cart, and stole the money in the cart. That’s… Alright, I’ll give him some extra food tonight.
Zha Pi looked so alive with the cart in his hands; it was like he was possessed by the urban manager. He turned towards the crowd, and shouted: “All of you move the fuck out of my way!! My family’s boss is here!!” And then rushed into the crowd.
I watched his reluctant back and admired him. He was like a dam holding back the yellow river burst forth.
Good going, Zha Pi!
“Good job! I’ll give you two bonus braised pork shoulders with soy sauce tonight!”
Zha Pi smiled with his eyebrows and said: “Thank you, big bro!!”
1 Bonus Son-con Chapter
Thank you for all your generous donations, we have reached the goal, and I will now get to translating the bonus chapter.