As a Constable, You Need to be Able to Play by the Books, as well as Be Under-handed
“Move the fuck out of the way! Who do you think you’re messing with?! I told you to move!” Zha Pi cursed loudly, smacked a few people behind their head, and every now and then used the cart as support to jump up and kick them in their faces. “Are you retarded?! I’ll kill you if you don’t move! Dodge. Come on, dodge. Dodge again if you can!”
The degree to which he dominated the place reminded me of the bastard of a landlord in the countryside that bullies the kind villagers.
But what was amazing was that nobody hit him.
The wandering warriors who saw him seemed to think that royalty was arriving.
It appears that the official warriors push the wandering warriors around a fair bit. I mean, they were scared of Zha Pi.
“Come over here. Were you staring at me? Which eye did you look at me with? I’ll fucking kill you!!!”
Who else wants to mess?!
A single piss-weak man with skin thicker than the city walls actually managed to scare a group of expert warriors off. So who else wants to mess?!
Zha Pi became a monster who invented a new style of getting through crowds. He had his chin up high as he went nuts poking people, and while he was at it, he felt up the butt of a girl selling flowers by the side. Just as I expected. I mean, no. He exceeded my expectations. Zha Pi really is a genius.
“That’s your idea?” Su Xiao who was stunned took two steps back and said: “Big Brother Ming, you’re so dirty!”
I awkwardly coughed twice and said: “Don’t make it sound so crude. It’s a good method as long as it gets the job done.”
Taking advantage of the cleared path, Su Xiao and I walked in like we owned the place, acting like a couple-
“Look! That couple must be a wed couple from some prince’s family who’ve come to investigate the case.”
Zha Pi yelled as he opened a path and the crowd therefore naturally knew that somebody was coming. When we arrived on the scene and people noticed us, they started whispering amongst themselves. However, they seemed to have a twisted conception of my relationship with Su Xiao.
The warriors in the crowd were more concerned as to who Su Xiao and I was as opposed to the old fella who had his head beaten until it was swollen by Zha Pi.
However, what they were paying attention to, especially what the female warriors were paying attention to was problematic.
“That young lady looks so pretty and young. She’s a good fit for a husband. Good choice!”
“Her husband doesn’t look bad. He looks really tall. And judging by the way he’s guarding that young lady, it looks like he really cares about this beautiful wife.”
“Of course. Otherwise, how would he convince her to dress as a guy? If I could marry such a beautiful wife, I’d hide her well at home. I wouldn’t dare let her go outside.”
Nobody cared about who we were. They were all there for the entertainment.
Su Xiao went completely red in the face and almost yelled “I’m a guy”. But I stopped him before he could.
“Don’t be impulsive. Let’s head in first.”
I don’t know how, but it seemed my gesture got the crowd even more passionate.
“What a yandere-husband!”
“Look at how he treats his wife, you bastard!”
“Spare us your lovey-dovey gestures!!”
Fuck me, these people have empty heads!!
Su Xiao and I quickly walked up to the door. The governor at the door stopped us and asked: “May I ask who you two are?”
I used my Secret Sound Transmission Art so that only the governor could hear me: “Liu Shan Men’s constable, Ming Feizhen, Su Xiao, Under… His majesty has ordered us to investigate the case.”
When he heard we came from Liu Shan Men, he almost picked up the rod to hit us. Just how much bad-blood is there between us…?
But he immediately changed his attitude when he heard we were here under the orders of the emperor: “I see. Please head on in. Just walk straight into the morgue.”
The governor didn’t suspect us. This is the capital. And there’s a massive crowd outside, with several hundred people who could hear us. A mere official constable like me wouldn’t dare fabricate a royal decree now, would I?
But he was the only one who heard me, so if we do get busted, I’ll just deny the accusations. That’s the beauty of the Secret Sound Transmission Art!
Su Xiao, Zha Pi and I quickly went in. We might get into an argument or tussle here since we’re from Liu Shan Men, and this is the main courtyard of the Qilin Guards. We’re better off just getting to examining the corpses.
I spotted the sign indicating it was the morgue. The main door was open. Standing at the door, we could see the silhouettes of a few people going back and forth quickly.
We walked up to get a better view and I was right. There were twenty-something people in the small morgue.
It’s needless to say that members of the Qilin Guards were there. A fair few members of the Emperor’s Entourage were there. And there were three or four wandering warriors too.
It was easy to recognise the affiliation of those on both sides. The warriors wearing the Qilin Guards uniform inside were definitely members of the Qilin Guards, and those wearing casual clothes yet were unwilling to let the Qilin Guards out of their sights were obviously members of the Emperor’s Entourage. As if the wandering warriors had the guts to treat them like that. So the leftover people who were looking fearful were without saying, the wandering warriors.
What the heck? So many wandering warriors were lined up outside and yet only a few managed to enter.
It wasn’t completely packed inside, but there was nowhere to stand around the corpses.
There were seven corpses inside the morgue. Around them on all sides were four or five people examining them with hooks in their hands as they moved back and forth.
Fuck it, I should just do it myself.
“Hey.” I called out to a Qilin Guard. When he turned around, I struck his meridian point and said: “Go sleep somewhere else if you’re sleepy”, and then pulled him out and tossed him aside.
In a flash, we quickly surrounded a corpse to examine it.
Su Xiao looked at the five Qilin Guards I tossed aside with surprise and said: “They didn’t rest adequately. I mean, they fell asleep after walking around for just a short while.”
This is the exact reason I’m not afraid to reveal my martial skills. Little Su is a baby.
And thus, we successfully joined the group that was examining the corpses.
The people standing around the seven corpses were discussing amongst each other.
“Look at this corpse. The body and head are separated, and was wounded with a big sabre. The culprit used a sabre.”
“No, no. Look at this corpse. There are no obvious wounds on the body, so it seems contrived to say that the culprit used a sabre.”
The three main official units and wandering warriors argued back and forth but couldn’t provide any clues to help identify the culprit. And that was because not one of them understood how to perform autopsies.
Further, they didn’t even dare to touch the corpse, one, because they’re scared of the corpse, and two, because of taboos.
Now I know why the people outside couldn’t enter. Not one among the twenty-plus people here surrounding the corpses touched a single corpse.
I was careless too. I forgot the Qilin Guards and the Emperor’s Entourage weren’t specialised in this field. They have coroners and doctors who can figure out the cause of death, but they’re unable to determine what art was used to commit the murder and what sect was behind it. Liu Shan Men’s constables should be the most skilled at this if I’m correct. I say that since the duty of Liu Shan Men is to arrest criminals, and as constables, they should be familiar with the autopsy process. Experienced veterans should be skilled at it. Su Xiao and I however, are newbies, and so no one has taught us how to perform autopsies yet.
I’ll just have to do it my way.
“Alright, alright, what the hell are the lot of you even on about?” In an irritated tone, I put an end to their debate and asked: “Did anybody bring tools with them?”
Everybody shook their heads.
I looked at Zha Pi and said: “Zha Pi, go!”
“M-Master Ming, don’t kid me now. I can scare people, but as for scaring ghosts… I don’t have enough guts for that.”
Pussy. He didn’t dare to touch the corpses like the others.
“I didn’t ask you to perform an autopsy. I wanted you to go get some items I needed.”
“This is the main courtyard of the Qilin Guards. Did you want me to return to Liu Shan Men to get them?”
“There’s no need to. Just go to the kitchen.”
“All of you get lost. Let me at it!”
I grabbed Su Xiao who stepped up. His eyes were lit up. It was like he was looking at a cat, or a fish or something.
Aren’t you the brave one?! You want to perform an autopsy with your bare hands? Aren’t you in over your head?!
“Wait a second. Wait for Zha Pi to return.”
Not long after, Zha Pi successfully gathered what I required.
Zha Pi brought it over which caused the Qilin Guards and members of the Emperor’s Entourage to stare with their eyes and mouths wide open. What he brought me were two pairs of chopsticks.
I took a pair and handed Su Xiao another.
“Alright, dig in. I mean, begin the autopsy.”