Martial King’s Retired Life – Vol. 2 Ch. 20



Crazy Kiss-Forcing Demon

I froze up until Tang Ye finished speaking with Eunuch Wang, and tugged my sleeve to say: “Let’s go, big bro.”

When he tugged my sleeve, he tugged all my thoughts out of my mouth too: “Sigh, it’s such a waste that such a beautiful girl is a eunuch.” I regretted speaking as soon as I spoke. But I guess only General Manager Bai understood me, so it shouldn’t be a problem.

Well, I’ll be damned. When I looked up, I saw Tang ye and Eunuch Wang look at me and General Manager Bai with disbelief as though they detected something. The question they had in mind had reached their lips, but they just happened to temporarily hold off from letting it escape.

General Manager Bai went completely red in her face, and she glared at me with her blurry and pitiful eyes. I can’t say she looked cute.

Hey, come on, sis, the look on your face is going to mislead people!!

I sighed sadly again.

Sister Nu wa, did someone anger you while you were designing her?! Why is someone so hot a eunuch?

My ability to distinguish peoples’ gender was questioned once again. First it was Su Xiao, then it was Master Kuang, and now General Manager Bai. Why do I keep running into these beauties whose gender can’t be distinguished?

“I am the senior eunuch supervisor, General Manager Bai Ling. Don’t spout nonsense!” General Manager Bai Ling started bringing up bureaucratic positions and scanned me a few times, without any kind intent of course: “You were selected by Liu Shan Men? You look so-so.”

We looked like a couple who broke up on bad terms, arguing as soon as we meet. But we haven’t even known each other for an hour.

“I was sent to guard the small South gate precisely because I’m so-so.”

I deliberately emphasised “small South gate”.  Bai Ling however, just shot me a cold glare, indicating that she was immune to my threat, and couldn’t care less for it. She put on an expression to show that she was all business, and impartial without personal ulterior motives.

“So you’re admitting that you’re not all that then?”

So what if I’m not?

Her expression changed dramatically. She clenched her teeth and said: “Since you’re not all that, that means that you neglected your duty. Men! Drag him away and beat him to death with a pole.”

Fuck! I didn’t think she’d go this route!

Your heart is darker than ink when you’re framing me!

Eunuch Wang was put in a dilemma so he said: “General Manager Bai, he is not under the palace’s jurisdiction, he is under Liu Shan Men’s jurisdiction, and he is an official warrior of the imperial court. That is……”

“……I wasn’t serious.” Bai Ling waved her hand but her eyes revealed a look which told me she was dead serious, and her tone revealed a hint of pity.

“If there is nothing else, I shall take my leave now. With the major incident that just happened, we need to report this to our superiors.”

If I don’t find an excuse to escape, I’m probably going to get buried where I stand.

Bai Ling contemptuously said: “What can someone of your calibre do?”

“You shouldn’t say that.” I wore an uncompassionate look and continued: “You should know that I, Ming Feizhen, the man with the moniker, the Crazy Kiss-forcing Demon have quite the reputation in the capital. Further, I go for guys and girls. I even violently ravaged a eunuch today, you know~.” As I spoke, I nonchalantly touched my red mouth like a sage who had reach enlightenment.

Tang Ye recorded my words with reverently. Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing?! Are you trying to make me the public enemy of all the women in the world?!

Eunuch Wang sneezed and looked at me flirtatiously. What he was signalling was very obvious: How about a date, brother?

All the hairs on my body stood up……

But it was evidently effective against Bai Ling.

She was so enraged she was grinding her teeth. She quietly and angrily exclaimed: “There will come a day when I return your humiliation ten times over!”

Faced with her confession, I couldn’t help but blush.

“Ten times over, huh……” I did the math in my head and then asked: “How long would our kiss last then?”

“Go to hell!” Bai Ling furiously kicked in my direction. I side-stepped and she ended up kicking Eunuch Wang to the ground.

My expression changed dramatically, and I indignantly and righteously exclaimed: “General Manager Bai, it’s fine if you don’t like me, but how could you take it out on Eunuch Wang too?! You’re so vicious!”

Eunuch Wang who got booted finally came to realise that there was discord between us: My, so this punk and General Manager Bai have animosity towards each other! Why did I go and get myself involved?! They say General Manager Bai is vicious in his work and unforgiving, and now I’ve made myself one of her targets too. Ming Feizhen is a trouble-magnet!

Since General Manager Bai was the supervisor of eunuchs, her power within the palace was unimaginable. I could only make impromptu comical gestures so that he wouldn’t get on my case for the time being.

But it looks Eunuch Wang will need to take ten days or half a month’s break now judging from his injury. She was way too vicious. It looks like she’s…I mean, this eunuch is definitely going to give me grief.

Well, I have no choice then. Time for my ulti.

“Tang Ye.”

“Present.”

“Scram.”

Tang Ye and I ran off in opposite directions, which baffled the two eunuchs. When they managed to distinguish who was who, we had already run off far into the distance.

“Ming Feizhen!” Bai Ling angrily stomped her foot, “If I get the chance to catch you, I’ll give you hell!”

I ran off to where Su Xiao was and learned what the audience saw. It was just as I thought. I then rushed towards the inner imperial city. I need to speak to the two captains about today’s assassination.

When I got to the entrance, I saw Song Ou come out looking gloomy.

“We have trouble! We have trouble!”

Song Ou saw me, and then asked: “Ming Feizhen, what is your problem? Why did you let the Black Wind Thirteen Wings sneak in?! Now we’re in trouble!! Hmm, also, what happened to your mouth?”

Fuck man! I thought we agreed to not hit a downed man! Why are you reminding me of the kiss with a eunuch?!

“Captain, I came here to inform you about the incident.” I tried to lower my head so that he couldn’t see my mouth, “The Black Winds Thirteen Wings disguised themselves as imperial guards. According to the witnesses, they carried odd-shaped weapons with them when they performed the hit. It seems that they’re their own weapons.”

“Their own weapons? Then how……” Song Ou finally understood what I meant and said: “You’re saying that they couldn’t have snuck in with their weapons, which means that they definitely snuck into the imperial city before we began our investigations?! That means it has nothing to do with Liu Shan Men failing in our guard duty then!”

The light bulb in Song Ou’s skull switches on whenever it’s time to push the blame on others.

“I’ll go and report to his majesty now.” Song Ou stopped in his tracks as soon as he went to leave. He spun around and asked: “Oh, what happened to your mouth again? Why do you have lipstick on your mouth again?”

Shit! You wear lipstick, General Manager Bai?! I hurriedly wiped my mouth.

The scene of me kissing General Manager Bai came to mind again.

Give me a basin, I need to puke……

Song Ou looked at me and then suddenly exclaimed: “You son of a gun. We’re in the palace and yet you’re still hitting on women? Sigh, your messy personality is going to screw you over sooner or later. Women are as vicious as tigers!”

Hey, do you think all wives are tigers?

Song Ou lectured me without much substance and then immediately went back to see the emperor.

When I saw Song Ou’s back silhouette disappear into the distance, I then pondered the case again and the strange intricacies of it. I kept getting the feeling that somebody was continually stirring trouble with some goal in mind. But who’s so bold and who has the ability to pull it off…..?

Nothing comes to mind.

“Feizhen, is that you?”

Hmm? Who’s calling me?

I turned my head around and saw Boss Shen in her blue combat robe walk towards me.

“Boss!”

“I knew it was you. Don’t run away. I have something to talk to you about.” Boss Shen suddenly lowered her head to look down, and then in a distrustful tone asked: “What happened to your mouth?”

God fucking damn it! Can we please stop bringing up my mouth?!

Glossary

Nu Wa is believed by some to be the creator of humans. So he’s saying, did someone piss you off causing you to make her a eunuch.

 

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