“Your Majesty, how do you intend to deal with the group of envoys?”
“Let them go.”
I pressed my hand to my forehead and sat into my chair, feeling exhausted. I weakly responded, “Ling Yue is right. They haven’t done anything wrong. It’s not their mistake that they were sent here.”
Tanya looked at me and softly said, “Is this your command, or is it Miss Ling Yue’s idea? I am very sorry, Your Majesty. It is just that you change your commands too haphazardly, so I need to confirm it.”
“Ling Yue reminded me. That’s why I’m changing my order,” I answered. I sat straight up and sighed. I looked outside somewhat lifelessly and softly went on, “I get it now. I now know what I was doing before. After Luna died, I kept acting on my wilful desires. I kept on coming up with reasons to kill people, so that I could kill. I wasn’t killing for vengeance or to protect those around me. I was merely looking for excuses to kill. That’s how it is.”
“How many people did I kill after Luna died? How many of them deserved to die? How many of them didn’t deserve to die? I killed countless people who had nothing to do with it and told myself it was to ensure I got rid of the root of the issue. I had no need to kill the panthers, and I had no need to strangle Marvel’s wife to death… I was just killing people… I was just killing.”
“Your Majesty, you are not bad. You are very gentle to others. The people you killed all deserved to die.”
I rubbed my temples and replied, “Deserving to be punished doesn’t mean deserving to die. I killed too many people in that dungeon. Mommy Vyvyan was right, but I always ignored what she said. Mommy Elizabeth led me too far. I walked too far in her direction. Perhaps it was because my heart ached, and I felt empty after Luna died and I, therefore, needed to fill the hole, and Mommy Elizabeth happened to give me a cruel form of entertainment.”
“Murder,” I muttered under my breath. I then stood up. “Let them go, Tanya. Tell them to get their Queen and the chief of the winged race to show up, and they won’t have to suffer the cold of an avalanche. The citizens didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t think that the Queen and chief will refuse our request now. They no longer have any means of bargaining with us, so we won’t need to put the city under siege and wait for the starving citizens to resist.”
Tanya gave me a small bow, and then looked at me with a complex look before turning around to leave the tent. I watched her leave, and then went limp in my chair again, absolutely exhausted. I lifelessly looked up at the cloth ceiling. I looked at the dust dancing in the sky and covered my face with my hand.
Everything I did during this period of time reappeared before me. I virtually didn’t even dare to believe I did all of that. I virtually couldn’t remember why I was so happy and excited back then. I was overjoyed when I saw the corpses of those I killed lying by my side.
I was unwilling to kill. I killed for Luna, but the people I killed deserved to die. They wanted to smuggle elves. I got angry at Nier for killing. I destroyed the church and killed too many people connected to the church.
However, I killed the innocent panthers here and even strangled a pregnant woman to death with my own hand. I totally could’ve snatched her blade from her as opposed to harming her. She couldn’t have done anything other than thrown a sneak attack, because she was pregnant, but I strangled her to death with my own hand, and then I killed everybody I came across, painting Ling Yue’s home in blood a second time.
‘Just what am I doing? Luna has passed away a long time ago, yet I used her death as a reason to wilfully kill before like an idiot. I’m sure that Luna doesn’t want to know that I killed so many people for her. I keep saying that I’m fine with killing an infinite number of people to keep those around me safe, but every time I go on an indiscriminate killing spree, the people around me get scared. They get terrified. ‘
‘I bet Lucia and Nier would also look at me with horrified and hopeless gazes as Ling Yue did if they witnessed me strangling a pregnant woman to death.’
‘I’m just being wilful. I’m just killing people. There’s no doubt that I’m Elizabeth’s son. Despite always being with Vyvyan, I still ended up being infected by Mommy Elizabeth and went in her direction. Actually, I basically became a second Elizabeth.’
‘Mommy Elizabeth is a tyrant. That’s indisputable, but she’s a wise tyrant. I don’t want to be a tyrant, though. I shouldn’t have killed in that dark dungeon! That dungeon created the Elizabeth we now know. Mommy Elizabeth is at her most evil and vicious nature when she’s in there, yet I joined her and killed so many people there. I killed so many innocent people.’
“What’s wrong?” asked Ling Yue, who suddenly appeared in front of me. She went around and hugged my head from behind, burying my head between her breasts. She looked up and stroked my head gently. Voice soft, she said, “Don’t be too harsh on yourself. I know about everything you went through in the past. You’re very kind and gentle, but this world isn’t gentle to you whatsoever. Luna’s death must’ve been a big blow to you, but you’ve let your wilfulness lead you astray a little…”
“I admit it.” I replied, shutting my eyes. “But thinking back now, I now understand what I was doing in the past. I shouldn’t have done that. I killed too many innocent people and with my own hands, no less. I won’t do it again. I won’t thoughtlessly kill people again. I won’t impulsively rampage and thoughtlessly kill people as a ruler. I won’t.”
“I believe you,” stated Ling Yue. She stroked my head in an encouraging manner. She then giggled. “You’ve killed so many people already. If I wasn’t woken up by the sound of the cannon, that group would be dead right now, wouldn’t they? Every time you take a life, you will lose some respect for life, and the more you will want to kill. Fortunately, you understand that now.”
“Do you still not believe me, then?”
“Without me, wouldn’t you turn into the tyrant of the North? Fear can silence people, but it does not mean that they submitted to you. After you die, your family will be put in danger. I don’t need to give you a lecture on it, as you are surely already aware. It’s just that you were unwilling to face it. You’re willing to face it now; however, you still might have relapses,” answered Ling Yue. She then smiled and stroked my face. “That’s why you need me by our side. Without me, you’ll become a tyrant. Hence, you need me by your side. It’s all right. You don’t need to worry about losing control in the future, for you’ll have me by your side in the future! I’ll stay by your side. I’ll be all right, and I won’t make you worry about me. When the world treats you unfairly again, I can give you a gentle embrace again…”
“It’s okay… It’s okay… Because you warmed me up… The world treated me cruelly, as well… But you still said to me… that you love me…”